Within a dream.
He kissed me, and my heart burst into tiny little birds fluttering under my rib cage, because he hadn’t kissed me like that in a long time. His lips were not so eager to leave mine, pressing themselves against me as if to soothe the ache of our loneliness, and time flew back to when those lips first met. I cried and half-opened my eyes, and it wasn’t him anymore but a faint glow of a person. Fingers were rubbing my lips and I hear a familiar voice, a gentle, high-pitched voice of a woman, as she looked down on me. She climbed onto the bed behind me and started to hum a lullaby, then put her cool arm over me, pulling me into an embrace. It was my grandma’s ghost. She’s come back to wake me up from a dream and to tell me that it was all right, I’m a big girl now, and I shouldn’t cry. It was the same words she would say every time I cried when I fell ill as a little girl. I knew it was her ghost and I remember feeling so happy that she had finally come to me in my dreams after her death. I quietly told myself that as soon as I wake up, I would tell my mother that my grandma has heard all my prayers. I couldn’t see her clearly, but her form was real. I could feel the softness of her body behind me. I could feel her warm breath as she hummed against my ear. Then I did wake up and I was in a big white room. I have been in this room before. There were bright lights above me but I couldn’t make out the faces before me. They were saying something and my eyelids were getting so heavy. The white room turned black.
I’m being reminded that in these three years I have lost everything. Everything.