stripped bare

Too Old For This Sh*t

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If I could ever have the chance again to perform with a band, I’d want to reunite the members from my old band. We were the sexiest band in the club, and the envy of the others, because we had the full works and more: a drummer (who could do the double pedal), two guitarists, a bassist, a keyboardist, a cellist, and saxophonist, and a vocalist.

One by one, the members left. First the cellist, then the saxophonist… at one point, there was only me and one of the guitarist, who was also the frontman of the band. We were the tightest band and the musicians were so talented, but there were a few egos too many. Still, I miss the guys. I miss the jamming sessions, I miss learning new songs and making old ones ours. I miss standing, frightened and shaking, at the front of the stage, knowing my bassist was behind me on the right keeping time, and my frontman is just to my left, silently giving me strength. I miss knowing every single pair of eyes in the audience is on me, while the spotlights blind me from seeing anybody in the room at all. I performed for everybody and nobody.

Recently, I was at a music event and someone I didn’t know called out my name. He said he recognised me from those gigs and asked if I was still doing them. I admit I was flattered – it has been 13 years. But it also meant that I was good at something I love but had to give up because. Just because.

I remember all the angsty love songs we’d perform that the crowd loved. I wrote this post because I heard an angsty love song that would be great for a band and I imagined how we could have done it. If I could have a band again and we could have an album, it would be a collection of angsty love songs, none of those flat, no-range music that the cafes keep playing over and over. Angsty, heartwrenching love songs that reminds us of all the heartbreaks that made us who we are today.

Then I’d name the album “Too Old For This Sh*t”.


Written by smudgi3

September 10, 2011, Saturday at 22:12

Posted in Dear Diary, Insight

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