It pains me to be able to witness how some people can live their entire lives and not win a single bout of lottery, and yet some others simply have to look in the direction of a desired object to have it sitting on their table the next morning.
Being stuck in-between is a torture. You can’t complain because there are people worse off than you, but you can’t help but heave a sigh of envy and disgust in a single breath at those lucky ones. Being stuck in the middle means you want to work hard to achieve success and independence, but you get disillusioned and discouraged by the blessed lives of others. You then wonder if this was all predestined, that some people just have all the luck, or are we simply setting our standards too hight. We want alot from others, but we want more from ourselves. If we can achieve something, we expect others to be able to do it too. Vicious cycle.
There are people sinking lower and lower, others climbing higher and higher… And then the rest of us, going round and round in circles. I have a sudden urge to want to do something, but I don’t know what. It’s as if I’m feeling suffocated by the selfishness and indifference around me. Everyday in the MRT, there’s always someone I would like to punch – The woman putting her purchase from the market on the seat next to her, the man sitting opposite trying to sneak a look up my skirt, the kid running up and down the cabin swinging from the poles, even the elderly woman pushing her way past the crowd to get a seat on the train…
Where is this restlessness coming from?