stripped bare


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How wonderful it is to be able to wake up late on a Friday? I can’t remember when was the last time I had such a luxury. I guess I haven’t gotten into the swing of things yet. Working within designated hours definitely isn’t for me. I can’t complain about what I have now because I’m sure there are others who are worse off than me. But I can’t help but wonder what I really want in life, what I really want to do as a career. I can’t imagine working like this my entire life, though I’m thoroughly satisfied with what I’m getting paid every month. At this late age of 25, I finally realise that the notion of “going away to find oneself” is not so lame after all.

I’ve made a decision – a really adult one at that – to save up enough money and go live in Japan for awhile. I wish to get it done by the time I’m 30, and hopefully by the time I come back, I’ll finally know what my calling is. I know for now that I wanna be a writer, but I’m not as well-read and as knowledgeable as I hope to be. Maybe someday when the time is right, or when the opportunity arises…

My first priority right now is to pass my stupid exams. I don’t know how much harder I have to work to get it right. I know I have tried my best the last time, but it didn’t work out. It angers me when my mother keeps complaining about how I keep wasting her money. Anyone can read a book, but not just anyone can write it. All I need is a little encouragement and a little understanding. The world around me seems to be lacking in these things.

After I pass my exams, I’ll enroll myself in a JLPT school. I owe that to myself. To love a language so much and not understand it is a sin. I read in envy those blogs written about lives in Japan, how they tried to cope with their new home, how they overcame difficulties and cultural barriers, and how the country finally adopts them as one of her own… I wanna be one of them.

But before that, one major wall to break this June.


Written by smudgi3

April 14, 2006, Friday at 13:10

Posted in Dear Diary

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