stripped bare

Who’s avoiding who?

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I haven’t seen my parents for a long time – 5 days. This is weird, considering we live in the same house. I admit I’ve been avoiding coming head on with my mum since Monday because I wanted to keep my disastrous results from her for as long as I could. She still called home everyday but, at least I don’t have to look into her eyes. I’d just crumble from all that guilt.

Yesterday I finally told her that I failed – again. I did it over the phone when she called me about a few job options that she had scouted out for me, assuming that I would get my degree. Seeing there was no time like now, I blurted it out to her. There was no anger, no screaming, no nagging. Just a disappointed sigh. Somehow, that made me feel worse. At least if she had shouted at me, I would have consoled myself by calling her a menopausal bitch.

When she called home today, there wasn’t the usual nagging, which sat really uncomfortably on my nerves. Maybe she’s truly given up on me. Reminding myself that I’m already 25, I decided to end this nonsense. She’s my mother, I’ll have to see her someday, it’s ridiculous to be like this. So I came home earlier than usual. When I got home, she was in her room. When I went to the bathroom, she knocked on the door to ask if I was gonna be long – and I was. When I got out, she has already gone to bed.


Written by smudgi3

September 9, 2005, Friday at 11:32

Posted in Dear Diary

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