Someone visits me at night
In less than a week, I had 2 dreams. Different content, same theme, same reaction : I woke up crying.
When I opened my eyes, I was kicking widely in bed, 2 rivers of hot tears gushing down my face. I can’t decide if I was feeling frustration, desperation, pain or fear. Maybe all, maybe none.
This morning, a reverse reaction : I cried moments before I fell asleep from fatigue. I had memory flashbacks. Doesn’t one get flashbacks only when they’re about to die?
– my accident 2 years ago. How I could have prevented it. How I should have gotten hold of the person before she got away. How I could have made her pay for my medical expenses. How I could transfer to her some of the emotional turmoil no one understood.
– my students. How they look all lethargic when they see me but become alive when I ask them about computer games. How I may miss them at the end of the year.
– smells. Of a long forgotten childhood.
– adrenaline rushes. From somewhere.
– and other forgotten memories
Why is this happening?