stripped bare

“You really need to worry.”

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What do you mean by that?! I asked my friend after the paper today.

That I’m not worried enough? Oh well, I’m still in a state of denial. I refuse to believe I’m in the midst of the exams right now. I refuse to believe that if I fail again I might never be able to face the world. I refuse to believe that if I do graduate then I might have to work for the rest of my life. That explains why before the paper I’m always looking so unstressed and after the paper I’m still looking like the paper was a breeze.

Do you see how my hands are blistered and numb and shaking? Do you see the rings under my eyes that have been plastered with concealer? Do you see me sitting stunned at the table because nothing I read seems to go into my head and stay there? Do you see me tossing and turning in bed because I don’t want the next day to start?

My first paper was a hard slap on the face and I’ve had to take 3 theory papers consecutively, and I have 3 more to go, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BE CONCERNED?!

I just refuse to believe it seems so much harder for me than for everyone else.


Written by smudgi3

May 18, 2005, Wednesday at 00:52

Posted in Insanity

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