I was just kiddin’ about the coffins…
… but all I did was jinx myself.
There was a major uproar after the paper ended yesterday. It has got to be the most incomprehensible and difficult paper ever. All the exam staples (as in those topics which appear every year) were replaced by dodgy looking questions that have never been asked before. A 7-pointer theory question evolved into a 25 marks math problem. 2 totally different topics were compressed into subparts in a single question. Foreign sounding terms replaced the usual words that have been etched into our minds.
It’s like, meeting a really attractive woman whom you’re a little intimidated by. But then a year after an intimate relationship, you start to realize her beautiful personality and she has opened up her inner self to you. So one day, you decide to propose to her, and you’re pretty confident that she’ll say yes because there were huge hints everywhere. As you burst through the door with your roses and Harry Winston ring, you see your future wife fucking the delivery man on your bed. In the nurse uniform she said she would never wear because it was too kinky. In a position worthy to be recorded in the Karma Sutra even though she told you she loved regular Missionary.
Everyone I walked past in the hall had a different plan to kill the examiner.
“I’d go down to London, take naked photos of him and post it all over the net!”
“I’ll go find his picture and perform voodoo on him.”
“I go find my brothers then go and burn down his house ah!”
Knowing how I always have a theory rather than resorting to imaginary violence , all eyes turned to me for an explanation. “I think he’s going through a divorce, or maybe his wife left him for another woman. That’s why he’s such a bitter, bitter man right now, and would like the entire cohort to drown with him.” I said so emphatically with a huge sigh. As we all turned dejectedly to leave, I continued : “But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna take the largest and foulest smelling D24 durian and stuff it up his uptight ass.”
I practised so hard for this paper, I was sure I could get full marks for certain topics. I walked into the hall a confident candidate. Slowly, as I read through the exam questions, I felt as if the 4 walls were closing in on me. I spent the last hour of the paper staring at the questions, hoping that somehow a miracle would happen, that somehow a familiar question would appear in front of me.
I asked for a coffin. And now I’ve got to lie in it.