There is no eternal bliss.
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife(husband),” bellows our Judeo-Christian consciousness. Yet we still do it.
Why do people cheat – Curt Smith
If we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they’re pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need. People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings — instead of ignoring them — we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.
The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person’s actions. Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one’s evolutionary sexual drive.
Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place, we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then can we learn to work around our weaknesses.
We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) — the stronger of the two (according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs) — and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons. Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human’s decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam’s foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the “water” will eventual break through the “dam.”
In short, humans have set very difficult (but attainable) objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing.
Why people stray
1. Physical Drive
No longer finding partner sexy or attractive. Try to stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had when you first met your partner. Working out together is a great way to spend time together while keeping each other physically fit and appealing.
Sex may be readily available with another. Do not deprive your spouse of his or her sexual needs — even when you don’t “feel like it” or have a headache.
Current partner is unavailable for sex. Try to avoid spending long periods of time away from one another. Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn’t so bad, but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to temptation.
No sexual variety. Changing your sexual routine and ensuring an array of adventurous sexual delicacies will keep your partner wanting more and wondering what will be next, instead of thinking of someone else.
Less sex. The more sex you have and the more satisfied you are, the less likely you’ll go out looking for more.
2. Emotional Needs
No longer feeling accepted, desired by another. You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don’t feel accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you will always be looking for that person who will give you all these things. And when that person comes along, you might be tempted by their warm, fuzzy fruit.
The challenge is not exciting and boredom sets in. The sex is fun, you’re physically stimulated, but you are not emotionally stirred. And the whole mood, scene or companionship can become boring. Take part in exciting activites together in order to keep the thrill in your social life.
Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current relationship Just because you’re satisfied, that does not mean your partner is. The only way you’re going to know this is by communicating with one another. Remember, your doctor does not know that there is something wrong with you unless you tell him.
When a person succumbs to temptation, they might forget what attracted them to their partner in the first place, and lose sight of the chemistry and infatuation they once experienced for that person. It is a delusion to believe that a relationship should always progress smoothly on the road to eternal bliss. However, focusing on the negative will lead one to perceive that they are so miserable that they seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere.
In light of the events that are surrounding me now, I feel a need to preach. After all, who hasn’t been there? Almost everyone has done it at least once. Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A relationship requires lots of maintenance. Take a close look at your relationship before seeking happiness with another person. Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks, eventually it will need to be grained, fertilized and trimmed or before you know it, you’ll have weeds all over the place. Something to think about the next time that Player at the office flirts with you, girl.