stripped bare

The Story of the Exes.

leave a comment »

We were at a wedding yesterday. Not my personal friend, but sitting around J‘s secondary school friends, I didn’t feel left out at all. Though they didn’t treat me like a long lost best friend, I was included in their conversations. I felt grateful for their openheartedness. I wonder if J would feel as I felt if she had been around my secondary schoolmates.

This wedding was more than a friend’s wedding for J. It was more like a class reunion. She was afraid of how her old friends would treat her now, since they haven’t met for ages. Would they change? Would they look down on her? Would her ex-boyfriend remember? Though their relationship ended more than a decade ago, she still feels embarrassed about how she treated him, and was worried about meeting him face to face.

He was there alright. He even tried to start a conversation with J. But as usual, J tried to avoid him as much as possible. I told J to face it – C’mon we’re all adults now. Maybe by talking to him, it will be easier to let go of the guilt she felt all these years for behaving the way she did while they were together. At the end of the banquet, she approached him. It turns out that he had recently gotten registered with his girlfriend. We were all introduced as the girlfriend mischievously told J that she knew everything about them. An awkward situation turned lighthearted because of everyone’s maturity and acceptance. After that everyone exchanged numbers and emails. Reacquainted old friends, letting go of old baggage – J‘s happy.

Well, it’s probably always easier to advice someone rather than to do it yourself. I’ve met my ex-boyfriend M on the streets lots of times, but I’ve never found the courage to talk to him. I’ve let him down in the past, and I knew he was hurt for a very long period of time. The first few times we met, the looks I get from him ranged from pure hurt to pure hatred to pure avoidance. Each time, the guilt ate me up. The last few times we met, the atmosphere was more, should I say, amicable. I’d smile and I’d feel really happy to receive one in return. In fact, the last time we met, we even managed a Hi.

Last night on the way home, J played the ‘What if’ game we are all familiar with. What if she hadn’t ended the relationship with her ex at that time? What if they were still together? Blah blah blah. Yeah I do that sometimes too. Don’t we all? Ultimately, we all made a choice and we’ve all moved on. Maybe the time wasn’t right for certain things to happen.

One day, I hope to be able to have a chat with M. It would probably do both of us alot of good.


Written by smudgi3

October 18, 2004, Monday at 14:42

Posted in Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: