stripped bare

This is for my sista, C.

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Friends can be such complicated matters.



Who or what, exactly, is a friend?

  1. A person with whom one enjoys mutual affection and regard (usually exclusive of sexual or family bonds)
  2. A sympathizer, helper, or patron
  3. A person who is not an enemy or who is on the same side
  4. A term used as a polite or ironic form of address

If we were to go by the first definition, then I would have very, very few friends indeed. I may have affection for some people in my life, or maybe some people may have certain affections for me at some point or another, but the feelings are not necessarily mutual. I may hang out with certain people because I do not have much of a choice (eg. friend’s boyfriend, friend’s friend), or I may be so bored that anyone who’s available is okay.

If we were to go by the last definition, then I would have many, many friends indeed. LOL! It is, in fact, one of my favourite past times to be ironically polite. For example, I use phrases like “Your Friend over there says…” or “What to do, she’s Your Friend what…” or “Her Friend lor, who else…”. I think it’s really funny, don’t you?

Now what brought about this topic? I was telling you about my friend N who’s getting ROMed next week? You see, she was my polymate. We were in the same class for 3 years, who were in the same project group, we share the same birthdate, we went to the same hotel for attachment, hell we were being pursued by the same guy! I would say we were pretty close. BUT. I complained alot about her, I was maybe envious of her. For a period of time, I didn’t quite like her. After we graduated, the group we hung out in only meet up maybe, twice a year? And yet, she invited me to her ROM lunch. She only invited 3 friends, and I was one of them. Have I been really blind to this friendship or am I reading too much into this?

Let’s contrast this with my friendship with E. Same story, she’s been my polymate blah blah blah, but we were inseparable in poly. We contacted each other once in awhile after we graduated but it has reached an all time high now that she’s been having problems in her life. You see, she doesn’t have much friends. She can be really friendly but she doesn’t like people very much. And she’s bitchy. So you see why we’re friends, we’re almost alike. It’s like she didn’t have to ask me to be her bridesmaid, because it’s like a Duh! thing. “Would you like to be my bridesmaid?” “Uh. DUH!” But recently, I get the sneaky feeling that I’ve been made use of. She tells me all about her problems, but doesn’t really wanna hear mine. She goes out with me, so that I could be her alibi. (Hey, pardon the rhyme. It’s not meant to be a joke.) And then she buys me expensive gifts because she says she’s sorry for tossing all her problems upon me. I’m starting to feel like a neglected daughter, I dunno why.

A ‘very wise person’ tells me once in awhile that friends are like passing clouds. Well I’ve had my share of fair-weathered friends, and it makes me sad when I see them now. C tells me they’re not worth it. Compared to her, of course they’re not. Friends do not judge. Friends do not backstab. Friends do not bear grudges. Friends support. Friends make time.

I’m glad I’ve been able to practice being a friend with C.

Written by smudgi3

September 18, 2004, Saturday at 23:58

Posted in Uncategorized

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