We’re all coloured, but at least I came out of the oven baked a nicer brown than you.
Sometimes, I am regretful that I can be an insufferable racist. Most times I’m not. My experiences not only justify my beliefs, they reinforce the very idea of my uncitizenship. Almost 90% of the time.
Yesterday I was crossing a tiny road at a multi-storeyed carpark near my place. From behind, I sensed a car coming up slowly and silently. As I was only a footstep (and I mean it literally) away from the pedestrian curb, I didn’t increase my speed to give way to the car. Moreover, there was enough space beside me on the road for 2 cars to overtake me side by side. So I didn’t take a second look at the car, which by that time was directly behind me.
To my horror/disgust/astonishment, the impatient, imbecile of a man behind the wheel had the bloody cheek to honk at me! And it was not a soft, short warning that people are inclined to do, but an obnoxious, loud, wake-the-whole-cemetary type of blast. Damn him! I turned around to stare as the car crunched past me into the carpark. I mean, it takes less than a second for me to step onto the curb, would it cost him his useless life to to wait a while? Not as if I was taking my bloody sweet time standing with one leg on the road and the other on the curb right?
Being me (J would know this), I continued staring into the near distance, even though the car was already out of sight. I always do that to get it out of my system, it’s like me having the last word. Or last stare. Or glare, whatever. Satisfied with myself, I turned to walk away. Before I could even reach a full 45 degree head rotation, a series of short, farting honks came from inside the darkness of the carpark. Only after walking past the carpark did I realise the taunts were directed at me! Furious, I walked back to where I had come from and stood there, trying to affect as murderous a look as I can. There the mentally challenged driver was, standing next to his spanking white MPV, smoking his lungs black. I stood firmly there for a minute, showing him that I was not afraid. He stood there too, shocked at first at my audacity, but later growing into a taunt as he tilted his head up in a challenge. (This action reminded me of the racist chimpanzee we met that day at the zoo. My friends would recall this.)
Short of showing the international sign of insult, and because I was late, I turned away slowly, glaring til my eyes hurt, and walked quickly to the bus. I could have stayed to continue the staring contest, or I could have walked up to him to give him a piece of my mind (assuming that he understands English, that physically repulsive retard) but I’m not stupid. I’m just a petite (ha!) and frail, easy opponent to defeat, while he’s a fat-enough-to-be-slaughtered, and probably smelly, PIG of a man. I wouldn’t even let a stray DOG touch him. I wouldn’t want to put myself in a losing duel. It would be like digging my own grave and then standing right at the edge so that my enemies could come and push me in. So what if he has a big white car (he probably has a small flaccid penis, since cars are merely penis extensions)? I have 5 keys of different sharpness, a few black markers and bottles of spray paint at home. My only regret is not having bionic eyesight to see his license plate number. If he’s stays around here, then it would be easy to spot his car. I’m looking forward to finding it.
It’s people like this I could shorten a few years of my wretched life by impulsively cursing the living daylights out of their offspring.