I hate periods. Period.
Once a month, I wished I was born a man. Or I’d be tempted to pay someone to jam his hands up my canal and rid me of my womb.
I hate it when my vagina walls disintegrates and bleeds every month. Okok I’ll be more civilized. I hate it when I’m riding the crimson waves/having a friend over for a visit/ renewing my monthly cycle/whatever. I think the only time I’d be jumping with joy when I start spotting is when I’m worried about getting pregnant. Really.
Who likes having pimples pop out on their faces a week before the period comes? Espcially when pimples take about 2 weeks to go away and by the time your face clears up, it’s time for the next batch to appear again?
Who likes walking around like a timebomb when you’re having PMS and every little thing everyone else does is just so childish and irritating? And get insensitive comments like “oh she’s having PMS” thrown back at you when you’re trying to get your point through? When you just KNOW you don’t suffer from PMS?
Who likes waking up in the morning with a cheery “Fuck!” when you realised it came while you were sleeping and you weren’t wearing underwear, much less a pad? Who likes wearing a sponge between their legs or shoving a marshmallow up their canals when all they wanna do is wear tight skirts and g-strings?
Who likes retaining water around their tummies and look like there’re rubber tyres around their waists when they’re wearing hipsters? Who likes being reminded about that sponge between their legs when they sit down or when they’re at the loo? What ever happens to those who are squeamish about blood? Do they faint everytime it’s time for a change?
Who likes having to be always worried about whether they have stained their sheets/underwear/pants/skirt, especially when you’re not home or when you’re alone? It’s not paranoia, it’s embarrassment!
I wish I were a man. Or does anyone want to jam their fingers up my canal and retrieve my womb? Anyone?