stripped bare

I don’t fucking know.

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When I was 14, I had a major crush on D. D was my senior in school and was quite a popular character. We were on friendly-acquantive terms, meaning : We’d talk on the phone like old pals but when we were in school, D would totally ignore me. The more D belittled me, the deeper I fell. By some stroke of luck (and some strategy on my part) D and I ended up together 2 years after. We went out, did all the coupley things, then 7 days later, I ended it. I had lost the feeling.

Before I turned 17, I met M. M was a goalie in his sec school soccer team and also a drummer in a band. What a catch, I thought. A week after he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was having dinner with his family. 2 weeks after, M had given me a ring and told me that he wanted me to have his children (when we first met he told me he didn’t like tots). 3 weeks after, M had held my hands, looked into my eyes and proclaimed that he never wanted me to leave him. By the end of 4 weeks, I broke up with him. Remember : I was all of 17.

2 years after, I met R. I was already in a relationshp then but that didn’t seem to deter R. R was talented so he wrote me songs and sung them to me. He was good with words so he would often flatter me. He had many friends so all of them knew about me. He attended some of the same lectures with me so he would sneak glances at me. It’s been 5 years and his love seems to have turned into hatred. I was touched, really. Touched with pity. My bf was less romantic but my bf wasn’t psycho.

And it’s not just me.

My friend SF was totally in love with her then bf E. But E was a bastard who two-timed her. SF was willing to overlook that but he left her anyway. On the day he left, SF wandered the streets alone for 2 days before she could be persuaded to go home. After a while she met DT. Though he wasn’t exactly her type, he showered her with care while they were dating, and suffered silently her demands and tantrums. Now their marriage is on the rocks becuase she’s having an affair. To this day, SF tells me she still loves E.

My other friend YY had been with her bf MS for 5 and a half yrs. It was a comfortable relationship : dull and routine. It wasn’t that MS was a bad bf, he was just… too domesticated and contented. YY was looking for passion. The breakup was brewing underneath for quite some time before it reared its ugly head when NJ appeared. NJ was (apparently) well learned and articulate. YY was hooked. But NJ was also an online flirt who seemed (to me) keen on cybersex, is as insecure as a mole-rat and as confused as a chinchilla. And his appearance… nothing to call home about. YY confessed that they had nil conversation chemistry. To top things up, he’s not local! NJ has even casually mentioned that if anything were to happen between them he won’t relocate. But dear YY has already made arrangements to meet His Egoness over the weekend.

What do women want?

I don’t fucking know.

Written by smudgi3

August 17, 2004, Tuesday at 13:23

Posted in Insight

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