Man is fundamentally incomplete.
Those of you who have read The Da Vinci Code would be familiar with Hieros Gamos. The term Hieros Gamos is derived from the Greek words meaning “sacred marriage”. Having its roots in ancient fertility cults, the Hieros Gamos ritual evolved into a highly developed spiritual discipline that enables a man to attain “gnosis” or direct knowledge of the divine, through ritualised sexual union with a woman trained as a priestess. The theory is based on the philosophy that man is fundamentally incomplete and can reach divinity only by “marrying” the feminine principles in a spiritual and physical manner, which triggers an altered state of consciousness at the moment of climax. – Simon Cox, Cracking The Da Vinci Code
Now I’m sure many of you are biting your tongues to keep yourself from saying some very mean things about this theory. Let me be really shallow and predict some extreme reactions.
The Losers (ie. men) – The Excuse
What they’ll say : Without you, I’m incomplete. Let’s get a flat.
What they mean : I’m sick of the missionary. I want anal and oral. Let’s make it legal.
The Feminists – The Delusion
What they’ll say : We don’t need men to make us complete. We’re self-sufficient.
What they mean : Down with bras, down with men, excuse me while I go home and get down with Girl’s Best Friend (depending on context it could be diamonds/dildos/vibrators/showerheads).
The High Priestess of Sardonicism (ie. Me) – Trying to be funny
- “…man is fundamentally incomplete” : Haha. Haha. Hahahahahahaha. Don’t we all know that already? I mean, they either have dicks or brains, hardly both.
- “…can reach divinity only by ‘marrying’ the female principles in a spiritual and physical manner” : Through experience (maybe I just have bad luck), I’ve found that spritual connection and physical attraction are almost always mutually exclusive. That’s why men never reach divinity. Tough.
- “…triggers an altered state of consciousness at the moment of climax” : For most men that ‘altered state’ would be unconsiousness.
I might sound a tad bit like a man-bashing, penis-stomping, scissors-welding, Bobbit-supporting Manhater. Though I think most men are jerks, I’m no Feminist. I believe all men should KNOW how to fix stuff and offer to carry heavy objects and pay for the dinner+movie. I have 2 perfectly formed arms to open my own door and carry my own bags, thank you, but men should at least OFFER to do them. I hate it when I find myself giving way to guys when I’m getting out of the train. Also, I don’t appreciate it when men cut in front of me when I’m getting on the escalator. Really guys, you’re better off standing behind (below) us on the escalator, looking up our skirts, you chauvinistic chee-kohs.