‘Til Death do us part, my Bosom Friends.
As predicted, the previous post didn’t go down very well. This one should be pretty well received though. After receiving so many emails about it recently, I just cannot ignore it anymore. It’s been a hot topic between C and me too, well actually it’s more like a complaining session. Kimberly Locke didn’t know what she was singing about, THESE should be classified as the 8th world wonder. What else could make both men and women steal glances, gawk and stare in wonderment? A majority of us were introduced to them as babies, but the fascination only starts at the onset of puberty.
I’m talking about breasts. J told me about a colleague who’ll stop whatever he’s doing whenever a pair jiggles past. “Big ones, huh.” I ask. “No, as long as got neh, he will just stop talking and look.” J says. It’s not just the males, you know. When I see a woman sitting opposite me in the MRT with her tits hangin’ out, I’d stare too. I don’t mean to judge, I wear cleavage-baring clothes too. That is, I try to bare my cleavage, if you call the 2 lumps sticking out of my chest boobs. Hence the complaining sessions. “Sigh, cannot wear that, boobs too small.” “So nice, but buy for what, also cannot wear, too flat.” “Woah, check out her longkang.”
I love looking at boobs. Whenever I receive those voyeur-y pics in the email, the 1st thing I look out for are the girl’s tits. If it’s all small and saggy, I’d just delete the email. Not worth forwarding at all. Now if the girl’s boobs are really pert and of the right size, I’d nod in appreciation, droop the sides of my lips in envy, then forward the email. I think the most beautiful ones are between B and C cup, round, pert, and punctuated by a small snubby nipple. To me, anything more than that is vulgarly excessive and should be restrained behind those torture contraptions known as bras. I’m pretty troubled by my pair. It’s weird because the womenfolk in my family possess huge ones. Even my dad’s almost catching up. What did my mum forget to feed me? To make it all worse, I lost some weight during my recent bout of stomach flu. I’m not sure if it’s a bane or a boon, cuz my mammaries decided to join in the fun and slimmed down too.
Sometimes I wonder what’s with those E and F cups. It’s alright if they’re proportionate to the body, but it’s really amazing when a 24″ waist has to support anything more than D cup. There was once I saw this slim girl from afar at the MRT station. She was walking rather strangely, like she sprained her waist or something. When she came up close and stood in front of me, I realised why. Her boobs were huge!! It was quite grotesque actually. If you threw a coin down her cleavage I’m quite sure you can hear the coin’s “Yahooooo!” echo down it. I decided to wait for the train a little farther back from her, in case she turned around and knock me off the platform onto the tracks.
I console myself by saying that God was making up for something. Like for example, big on talent but failing in the looks department, or big on brains but terrible personality, that kinda thing. I’m still pretty happy with that. I’m not exactly lacking in looks, have a good sized brain and a cute personality. So God’s fair. I’m not a fan of surgery, so silicon’s out. Meantime, I’ll continue with the daily massages, continue admiring others’ boobs, continue forwarding those emails.