stripped bare

Clean airy minimalism.

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20140726-193629-70589691.jpg

Very apt tag line for most things that are happening in my life right now.

Happy 10th Birthday, Blog.

xoxo

Written by smudgi3

July 26, 2014, Saturday at 19:39

Posted in Dear Diary

這種女生,請別愛她。

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她会和每个异性朋友大声说笑,无所顾忌。但是,当他们向她表达爱意时,她却像刺猬一样,保护自己。

她对爱情没有安全感,也给不了别人安全感。她想对你负责,对她负责,对自己的过去和未来负责,但请你别轻易给她誓言和承诺,她很难相信,她习惯在人前表现的很坚强,一副大女子主义的模样。

她是完美主义,对感情,容不得一点瑕疵。她有时是迟钝的,在感情方面,她有时却很敏感,因为她在乎。

她有点懒,猫科动物喜欢睡觉的,她不擅长做家务,她喜欢悠闲自由的生活。

她不喜欢跟陌生朋友玩,更不喜欢不熟悉的人说爱她,有人会觉得这个女生有点冷,她太自我。心里不想笑就不笑,不想说话就不说话,不想出去玩就不出去。一定要对方先流露出对她有好感,她才散发她的热情,她爱的永远是对她最好的。那个好她心里是有一个标准的,你的积分超过了那条线,她会爱上你。

但大多数没超过线之前就离开了。

这样的女生,她的心脏会时常痛,就像碾转在自尊下的爱,疼了痛了心死了,也说不出口。

她独立,也好强,她宁愿忍受太多的寂寞和痛苦也不愿跟任何人人提前。但其实骨子里,渴望有一个避风港湾,让她去依靠。

但她不会承认,她必须确定那个人是否可以承受这一切。承受她的撒娇、她的无理取闹、她的倔强、她的悲观,她所有的性格缺陷且永远不离不弃。

只有这样,她才放心,可以放心继续做自己,不会害怕有一天要面对失去。

其实她要的并不多,只是一个温暖的家而已。

她分手之后完全不像别人,在人前要死要活,她嬉笑怒闹,变得更加开朗,在听到朋友说有关他的话题时间,她不会回避,会参与,然后淡然微笑,她的表现总遭人怀疑这段感情的深浅,没有人看得到她的眼泪。

她不会在恋人面前大声哭泣,但她会躲在被窝里独自哭泣到天亮,既便在你最爱她的时候她也会胡思乱想让自己悲伤。她们不在乎,谁说什么都无所谓。

这就是她们,坚持做着自己,如果你看到她的眼泪,这是她骄傲的心不得已的放纵。

分开后你会发现她周围的异性多了起来,可你不知道曾经她为了表示对你的专注,疏远了那些朋友。现在的她只是想找回原来的自己。但是她会需要很长时间才会开始新的恋情。

她就是这样,死要面子,不认输不服软。
她从不轻言爱,她的爱很沉默,那并非是她缺少那份勇气。

在她心里有一个栅栏,那就是自尊,她看的比生命还重要的自尊。

如果这样的女生对你说她爱你,那就代表在她心里你的分量胜过了她的自尊。

所以如果你不了解她、不懂她,请别爱她。

Written by smudgi3

January 12, 2014, Sunday at 14:18

Posted in Braincells

瞎。

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昨天,有位名人說:

如果妳沒做錯事,就無需向人解釋。
如果妳沒做錯事,有人要妳向她解釋,記住:
人跟蝦是不能溝通的。

太適合昨天的心情了。

我吃妳

Written by smudgi3

December 2, 2013, Monday at 14:36

Posted in Perversion

Going around

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I saw someone post a familiar quote on my Instagram feed today. I asked her where she got it from. She said she couldn’t remember where she had seen it, but that the words had struck her very hard. Reading those very personal words again struck me hard too. If even she couldn’t forget them, how could I?

You had said those words to me a long time ago.

Written by smudgi3

December 1, 2013, Sunday at 00:13

Posted in Dear Diary

Re: Your recent comment

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If you haven’t been intimately privy to my recent struggles, you have no right to leave those comments on my blog. If you really cared, you’d know better than to ask those questions. Don’t presume you know what you know simply because of the things I post. You may or may not know that Life is a vicious cycle that goes back and forth. Today I rule the world, but at night, I have to nurse my wounds.

I removed your comment and my reply from my blog, Long-time Silent Reader, because you could have been genuinely concerned and didn’t realize how insensitive you were, saying those things.

If you knew of the things I’ve been doing outside of my blogs, you will see that I have been actively trying to “give up and move on”. However, I admit I am holding myself back from greater things, but that’s only because I’m still trying to reclaim my Self that I seem to have lost. But, as you’ve observed, “he already has someone else now”, so what is the problem again?

One day, perhaps, you will see me posting happy blog entries about my newfound happiness, or sharing photos of every meal I have with my new man, of every thing he has bought for me, of every time he holds my hand in bed, and maybe, even of every time he fucks me, but till then, whenever I get emotional, or whenever I’m feeling the need to rant, I shall post whatever I want to share on my blogs, because that’s how I must deal with it.

Thank you for caring enough to comment, though. Thank you.

Written by smudgi3

September 1, 2013, Sunday at 19:28

Love After Love

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The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott

Tokyo 2012

Written by smudgi3

July 24, 2013, Wednesday at 00:05

Waiting For The Day

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“Why didn’t you ever write about what happened?”

“Because it was too painful to relive.”

“But it’s been a while.”

“It still hurts like mad.”

“Maybe writing about it will help you heal faster, like Nick Carraway did in The Great Gatsby, since writing has always brought you solace.”

“Perhaps I’m waiting for the day when I don’t have to write at all.”

Written by smudgi3

June 6, 2013, Thursday at 00:40

Posted in Dear Diary, Moods

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